英語習作評析

　　　　一、習作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母從加拿大寄來的信。請你根據來信的內容寫一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 詞數： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 參考詞匯：生態學 ecology .

　　　　二、學生習作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、習作點評：

　　　　1. 優點：習作者能準確運用書信格式，文中人稱、動詞時態使用正確。作者能根據來信中所涉及的主要問題，全面地表達了回信的主題內容。該習作語言表達較為流暢，作者能盡量運用英語課本中所學過一些句式、短語進行表達，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇較好的習作。

　　　　2. 不足之處：（ 1 ）該篇習作也出現了一些語法、詞句及意義表達方面的錯誤，具體表現在：（ 1 ） saw 改為 see .這是一種陳述句結構的強調形式，在這種句型結構中，用了助動詞 do /does /did 以后，原來的動詞形式要改為原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他確實常來看我們。） We did go to the party last night. （我們昨天晚上確實去參加了晚會。）（ 2 ） let it out 改為 drove it away . let out 意為放掉、泄露， drive away 意為趕走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改為 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的時間名詞前常不用介詞。（ 4 ） returned back 改為 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此處 getting 與前面 was not serious 不為并列動詞時態，而是強調現在，應用現在時。（ 6 ） cost 改為 spend .當句中主語為某人時，常表達為 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花錢或時間干什么注意 cost 的主語一般為某物。（ 7 ） observing 改為 to observe .該動詞由句中 use 決定其結構，構成 use sth. to do sth 用來干。（ 2 ）該習作語言句式的表達稍有些簡單，如作者能將該習作的某些句子加以調整，運用一些較高級的句子，再在某些句子之間加上一些過渡語來加以潤色，效果會更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一個過渡性的詞語 Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 這兩個句子可合并成一個非限制性定語從句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，這樣，將會使整個文章更具有連貫性、得體性和可讀性。

　　　　四、修改后的習作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、習作訓練：

　　　　下面是某中學生英語報刊登的一封讀者來信，請你以編輯的身份給這位中學生寫封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的內容應包括以下要點：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的問題是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 對同學面帶微笑，使他們相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先試著和一個與你同樣害羞的或與你有同樣愛好的同學談話。

　　　　4. 可以向同學問一些學習上的問題，談談共同的愛好。

　　英語習作評析

　　　　一、習作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母從加拿大寄來的信。請你根據來信的內容寫一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 詞數： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 參考詞匯：生態學 ecology .

　　　　二、學生習作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、習作點評：

　　　　1. 優點：習作者能準確運用書信格式，文中人稱、動詞時態使用正確。作者能根據來信中所涉及的主要問題，全面地表達了回信的主題內容。該習作語言表達較為流暢，作者能盡量運用英語課本中所學過一些句式、短語進行表達，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇較好的習作。

　　　　2. 不足之處：（ 1 ）該篇習作也出現了一些語法、詞句及意義表達方面的錯誤，具體表現在：（ 1 ） saw 改為 see .這是一種陳述句結構的強調形式，在這種句型結構中，用了助動詞 do /does /did 以后，原來的動詞形式要改為原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他確實常來看我們。） We did go to the party last night. （我們昨天晚上確實去參加了晚會。）（ 2 ） let it out 改為 drove it away . let out 意為放掉、泄露， drive away 意為趕走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改為 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的時間名詞前常不用介詞。（ 4 ） returned back 改為 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此處 getting 與前面 was not serious 不為并列動詞時態，而是強調現在，應用現在時。（ 6 ） cost 改為 spend .當句中主語為某人時，常表達為 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花錢或時間干什么注意 cost 的主語一般為某物。（ 7 ） observing 改為 to observe .該動詞由句中 use 決定其結構，構成 use sth. to do sth 用來干。（ 2 ）該習作語言句式的表達稍有些簡單，如作者能將該習作的某些句子加以調整，運用一些較高級的句子，再在某些句子之間加上一些過渡語來加以潤色，效果會更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一個過渡性的詞語 Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 這兩個句子可合并成一個非限制性定語從句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，這樣，將會使整個文章更具有連貫性、得體性和可讀性。

　　　　四、修改后的習作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、習作訓練：

　　　　下面是某中學生英語報刊登的一封讀者來信，請你以編輯的身份給這位中學生寫封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的內容應包括以下要點：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的問題是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 對同學面帶微笑，使他們相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先試著和一個與你同樣害羞的或與你有同樣愛好的同學談話。

　　　　4. 可以向同學問一些學習上的問題，談談共同的愛好。