雅思寫作范文賞析與評改:跨國公司
Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent. It is on account of growingly global economy, and it is beneficial for almost every country in the world.
People firmly believe that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. It is well aware that every country has its unique way to protect environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. They point out that if their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that are hardly to invent such good technology, not only some countries or groups but also all of the people living on the earth will benefit a lot. Of course, the countries that have invented these technologies will have to suffer from the damage in economy more or less.
On the other hand, the view taken by other people is that the main advantage of international cooperation is in terms of business. It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country. To illustrate, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. In the meanwhile, some necessary goods are always imported from other countries. However, the competition between local businesses and exotic ones is going more intense.
In my opinion, the merits of international cooperation are in both environment and the business. Also, people ought to make the best use of international cooperation to solve the serious worldwide problems such as global warming.
講評:
原文總體上邏輯是清楚的,直接回答了題中的問題,并得出了自己的結論。結構比較清晰,而且顯示了考生在一定程度上運用復雜句型的能力。然而,一些表達顯得笨拙或句子之間連接不夠自然,有的地方表達的意思不夠明確,有些地方不符合英文表達習慣文中出現了一些語法和用詞錯誤。因此考生會在這幾個方面失分。因此,根據雅思現行評分標準,我認為該文總分應為6.5分。
修改講解:
第一段:
1. On account of = because of 多指不好的事情,例如: You have to study harder on account of your failure in the IELTS exam. 因此,用在這里顯然不合適。
第二段:
1. People firmly believe 改為Some people claim更為自然一些,也和題目提供的信息相對應。
2. It is well aware thatwell aware 的主語應該是人,不能是it
3. They point out that if their advanced technology 句中有些地方用詞重復,另外,現代英語一般用on earth, 冠詞省略。
4.最后一句的of course用在這里根據上下文語氣來看不太合適,應改為to be sure。Suffer from the damage用在這里也不夠準確, 而且讀者并不清楚為什么會遭受損失,需要增添細節以說明。
第三段:
1.the view taken by other people 不如改為others hold the view,這樣在修辭上和第二段的開始相對應。另外,該句中的In terms of 引導的短語一般不用作表語。
2.It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country.句中的意思不完整,in my country顯得累贅。To illustrate 一般不獨立使用。In the meanwhile = in the mean time 意思是在此期間,用在這里不合乎邏輯。此句在這里也顯得多余,應刪除。而且這個句子的意思不夠清晰。
3.exotic 用于指公司不符合英語慣用。應改為:foreign companies/businesses.
4.最后一段應該進一步充實。
Revised draft by Wang Rutao
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent in recent years. It is not only conducive to economic globalization, but beneficial for almost every country as well.
Some people claim that international cooperation is good for environmental protection. They are well aware that every country has its unique way of protecting environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. If their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that can hardly invent it, not only some countries or groups but also perhaps all of the people living on earth will benefit a lot. To be sure, the countries that have invented these technologies may have to suffer economic losses on a certain level unless their intellectual property rights are protected by the governments.
On the other hand, others hold the view that the main advantage of international cooperation is evident in terms of business. It is true that import and export trade plays a major role in a countrys economic development. For instance, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. However, to some extent, this cooperation between local businesses and foreign companies has brought about more intense competition around the world.
Therefore, in my opinion, the merits of international cooperation lie in both environmental protection and business transactions, even though it may face some challenges. The improvement of environment and world economy has been an international focus in recent years. Only by working together internationally can people solve the increasingly serious problems worldwide such as global warming and give a boost to the expansion of world trade.
Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent. It is on account of growingly global economy, and it is beneficial for almost every country in the world.
People firmly believe that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. It is well aware that every country has its unique way to protect environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. They point out that if their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that are hardly to invent such good technology, not only some countries or groups but also all of the people living on the earth will benefit a lot. Of course, the countries that have invented these technologies will have to suffer from the damage in economy more or less.
On the other hand, the view taken by other people is that the main advantage of international cooperation is in terms of business. It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country. To illustrate, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. In the meanwhile, some necessary goods are always imported from other countries. However, the competition between local businesses and exotic ones is going more intense.
In my opinion, the merits of international cooperation are in both environment and the business. Also, people ought to make the best use of international cooperation to solve the serious worldwide problems such as global warming.
講評:
原文總體上邏輯是清楚的,直接回答了題中的問題,并得出了自己的結論。結構比較清晰,而且顯示了考生在一定程度上運用復雜句型的能力。然而,一些表達顯得笨拙或句子之間連接不夠自然,有的地方表達的意思不夠明確,有些地方不符合英文表達習慣文中出現了一些語法和用詞錯誤。因此考生會在這幾個方面失分。因此,根據雅思現行評分標準,我認為該文總分應為6.5分。
修改講解:
第一段:
1. On account of = because of 多指不好的事情,例如: You have to study harder on account of your failure in the IELTS exam. 因此,用在這里顯然不合適。
第二段:
1. People firmly believe 改為Some people claim更為自然一些,也和題目提供的信息相對應。
2. It is well aware thatwell aware 的主語應該是人,不能是it
3. They point out that if their advanced technology 句中有些地方用詞重復,另外,現代英語一般用on earth, 冠詞省略。
4.最后一句的of course用在這里根據上下文語氣來看不太合適,應改為to be sure。Suffer from the damage用在這里也不夠準確, 而且讀者并不清楚為什么會遭受損失,需要增添細節以說明。
第三段:
1.the view taken by other people 不如改為others hold the view,這樣在修辭上和第二段的開始相對應。另外,該句中的In terms of 引導的短語一般不用作表語。
2.It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country.句中的意思不完整,in my country顯得累贅。To illustrate 一般不獨立使用。In the meanwhile = in the mean time 意思是在此期間,用在這里不合乎邏輯。此句在這里也顯得多余,應刪除。而且這個句子的意思不夠清晰。
3.exotic 用于指公司不符合英語慣用。應改為:foreign companies/businesses.
4.最后一段應該進一步充實。
Revised draft by Wang Rutao
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent in recent years. It is not only conducive to economic globalization, but beneficial for almost every country as well.
Some people claim that international cooperation is good for environmental protection. They are well aware that every country has its unique way of protecting environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. If their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that can hardly invent it, not only some countries or groups but also perhaps all of the people living on earth will benefit a lot. To be sure, the countries that have invented these technologies may have to suffer economic losses on a certain level unless their intellectual property rights are protected by the governments.
On the other hand, others hold the view that the main advantage of international cooperation is evident in terms of business. It is true that import and export trade plays a major role in a countrys economic development. For instance, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. However, to some extent, this cooperation between local businesses and foreign companies has brought about more intense competition around the world.
Therefore, in my opinion, the merits of international cooperation lie in both environmental protection and business transactions, even though it may face some challenges. The improvement of environment and world economy has been an international focus in recent years. Only by working together internationally can people solve the increasingly serious problems worldwide such as global warming and give a boost to the expansion of world trade.